I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
