I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
