Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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