He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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