Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
