he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
