Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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