She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize