Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
