my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
