U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just pee around me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
