just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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