she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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