Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
