dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
