that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
