the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
