I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
