I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
