I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
