last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
