I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
