You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
