Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
