Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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