someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
