not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
