So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
