shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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