Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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