Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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