trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
