He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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