I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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