omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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