Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize