Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
