please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
