Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
