She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
