Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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