my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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