I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
