Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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