dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish I only lived at night.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
