I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
