Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
