i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
