Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
