capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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