I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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