Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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