I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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