Your face is a jimmy john
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
