i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
