Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
