You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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