Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
