I feel great
I just peed on a car
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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