I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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