Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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