Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
