call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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