Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
