Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
