I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
