so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
