And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize