I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
