I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize