Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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