Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
