i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's blow job season.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
