Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize