Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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